I want to step back, to leave this man, this poet, for someone else to find, but I cannot. He is there, his heart beating steady against my hand, and I am not possessed of the power to let him go. I feel the tears, building at the back of my eyes, threatening to spill over. I turn away, frantically. He can’t see me this way, know the depth of my pain, my need. But he touches me and I am lashed by that touch, rendered powerless. So I stay. Pulling me, back to belly, he slips his arms around my waist, pulling me down to lie at his side. I have never felt so encompassed, so completely touched. His arms were only touching my waist, our bodies only touching slightly, but to hear my body, heart, and soul tell it, I was a part of this man. Every inch of what we were, joined. Encompassed, touched… loved. Even as I shook my head to deny the truth, he pressed his lips to my temple, feeling the beat of my heart. Damning me for a liar. And I let go. All the fears, all the realities, all the. I'd been trying to get a hold of her all day but all I got was the phone message thing. I left one message and felt like a fool calling every hour."Sorry I missed you last night, Susan. We were decorating the tree at Berry's. It was so cool. You are coming tonight... Right!? Aren't you? If you want, you can tell your mom that you're spending the night with me! Shit! Trent is picking me up in ten minutes... We could swing by your place and pick you up. I'm sure it'd be okay if you came for dinner?"Events were moving too quickly for me. I so wanted to go but was not too cool about being their third wheel. I'd slept with several guys in high school although it'd been since early Summer that I'd gotten my rocks off with a guy. At the time I was hoping it would last until I went away to college. It didn't. I never figured out why? Anyway, I was figuring on hooking up with someone?! If these parties were as wild as Nancy said they were... Then I'm sure I could find someone to hook up.
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